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THOUGHTS: Internet Dating. Is it just for creeps and losers?

11 Oct

Apologies for the hiatus; I guess I’ve been a bit slack of late. I blame the process of uprooting my old life, transporting as much of it as I could fit in my tiny car across the border and trying to establish a new one for myself in a different city for preventing me from recording my thoughts in any meaningful way. Let’s call it my ‘Writer’s Minor Holiday‘, shall we?

Enough of that.

On to today’s topic: Internet Dating. This has been floating to the surface of my brain quite frequently over the past couple of months, mainly because I decided to bite the bullet and try it out for the first time in my twenty-four-and-a-bit years of existence. I think this came as more of a surprise to myself than anyone else as I have always held the opinion that internet dating was for creeps, geeks, losers and the desperate. Despite hearing numerous success stories about friends of friends who had met their significant other through internet dating, I was still skeptical.

Image courtesy of debaird


The idea was initially conceived over a few drinks with one of my housemates. We agreed that it would be an interesting social experiment to give it a go for ourselves. Would we have trouble finding any normal, respectable, non-stalkerish and generally suitable men like as suspected or would we be surprised by the quality of young men gracing the world wide web with their profiles? There was really only one way to find out.

The purpose of this entry isn’t to share my internet dating success and/or horror stories (I will save those for another day) but more to share some of the things I have learnt in the process.

My Observations:

  1. Although there are plenty of creeps who think that posting a photo of themselves with their shirt off/leaning on the bonnet of their sports car is appealing and sport obsessed guys are a dime a dozen there are also plenty of decent guys  with interests beyond ‘watching the footy in the pub with my mates’ on there, it is just a matter of taking time to find them.
  2. No matter how much ‘chemistry’ you have with someone over email this may not translate when you come to meet them face to face. In light of this it isn’t wise to spend weeks on end emailing back and forth before you finally arrange to meet. I acknowledge that it is important to carry out initial serial killer vetting but it isn’t necessary to know someone’s life story before you share a coffee.
  3. The more time you spend emailing back and forth before you meet the more you will feel that you have personally invested in the relationship and will be reluctant to admit that you don’t ‘click’ in person. This largely follows on from the above observation.
  4. Internet dating can take some of the mystery out of the process. In traditional dating it is likely that you would know very little about a person before your first date (unless you’ve decided to make the risky transition from friends to lovers, but that’s a topic for another day). On the one hand this can be a positive thing, allowing you to discover things about each other throughout the dating process. Conversely, this can mean that someone who you were initially attracted to in the pub or at that party last week actually has very little in common with you leaving you to struggle through an awkward date’s worth of stilted conversation.
  5. Internet dating can work for those of us who don’t feel comfortable approaching that hottie at the bar/pub/party/gym/bus stop. As my friend so appropriately put it the other week there are those among us who constitute the ‘upper echelons’ of the dating game. They include those people who are so intimidatingly attractive that they cause us mere mortals to stare in open-mouthed awe. They spot others of their kind from across the room and glide effortlessly towards one another to engage in witty banter and exchange phone numbers. For the rest of us things are rarely as easy as this. Internet dating lowers the stakes, allowing you to test the water with prospective dates in a relatively risk free situation. It’s difficult to have more than a slightly bruised ego when someone fails to return your email but the same isn’t true if you are so unlucky as to be turned down in front of a room of people, many of whom are likely to be friends of yours and therefore unlikely to let you forget about your unceremonious rejection any time soon.

We are willing to trust the internet to purchase goods from strangers, find a place to live, connect with new housemates, recommend a restaurant, find a new job and tell us what music to listen to so why not trust it to help us with the difficult task of finding someone to start a relationship with? Although internet dating can be contrived, the use of the internet has become so pervasive in our lives that we may as well be willing to embrace this and use it to our advantage. I am in no way implying that internet dating is the perfect way to meet people or that is it necessarily suitable for everyone but I would encourage anyone who is even the slightest bit curious to give it a try. You might be surprise by what (or who) you find.

Elvis Costello joins a growing list of artists to boycott Israel

28 May

Elvis Costello is the latest in a growing list of artists who have vowed to boycott Israel. Costello has cancelled his upcoming tour citing as his justification the mistreatment of Palestinians. His wife, Diana Krall, doesn’t appear to share his feelings on the matter and is planning to go ahead with her tour later this year.

Whether he has done the right thing or not is a question I cannot even begin to answer. For one, I don’t feel as though I’m well enough informed about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and secondly I am not going to deny that I am quite biased when it comes to matters concerning Mr. Costello. He has described his decision as ‘a matter of instinct and conscience’. You can read his full explanation here.

WEAR: Fashion Deal Breakers

21 Mar

The saying ‘love is blind’ gets trotted out on a regularl basis and in general I agree with this sentiment but there are some fashion faux-pas that should simply not be forgiven.  If any of your loved ones should attempt to leave the house wearing such an outfit then I would suggest an intervention of some sort. These include (but are not limited to) the following;

Cargo Pants- Why on earth do you need pockets THERE? If the pants are tight fitting and you put something in the pockets they’ll bulge, if they are loose the contents will slap your leg as you walk. It is also worth keeping in mind that should you need to retrieve an item from one of these inappropriately placed pockets you will be forced to assume an uncomfortable sideways crouching postion. These were once worn only by compter programmers and the chronically fashion challenged but nowadays even designers are jumping on the bandwagon. Check out these puppies from Balmain which will set you back USD$4,705. Umm, I think i’ll pass!

Wearing Running Shoes Casually- Let me clarify. I’m not talking about fashion sneakers here. What I am talking about is the look favoured by Jerry Seinfeld; running shoes worn casually. This particular type of footwear is not designed to be worn on a daily basis. It is designed to be worn when undertaking particular kinds of physical activity. This look often goes hand-in-hand with #1. Equally bad is the socks+sandals combination.

White Pants- White pants should be avoided at all costs. Not only are they completely unforgiving, showing up every little stains and spill, they are also equally unforgiving when it comes to showing everyone your bum. I don’t want to see your underwear and if said underwear is not providing adequate converage I most certainly do not want to see your bum. Sure, there are some people who might enjoy seeing this but they can easily use the internet to fulfil such desires. Please don’t inflict this on the unwilling majority. Don’t. Just don’t.

Are we any closer to ‘Closing the Gap’?

12 Aug

house-constructionThe Northern Territory intervention has lost the support of Arnhem Land leader Galarrwuy Yunupingu. Yunupingu has likened the intervention to ‘a form of apartheid’. The Federal and Northern Territory governments have demonstrated an inability to deliver on the promises which the Intervention aimed to deliver. This is shaping up to be yet another in a string of disappointments for Indigenous Australians who cannot be blamed for losing faith in the ability of the government to fulfil their commitments to ‘Closing the Gap’.

Although Indigenous Affairs minister, Jenny Maklin has stated that it is the government’s view that long-term effectiveness of any initiative relies on indigenous engagement, this view does not appear to be reflected in the implementation of government policies. There is a stark contrast between the bureaucratic red tape and delays demonstrated by the government and the rapid success of indigenous lead housing initiatives.

Yunupingu’s housing scheme which has been running since May has employed local indigenous workers and successfully constructed an eight bedroom home. This initiative is not only serving the purpose of creating desperately needed housing but is also training young men and women in the skills required to build, plumb and wire houses.  Yunupingu expressed his frustration over the stagnation and inactivity of the government who have failed to deliver one single house in the two year period since the Northern Territory government announces this $700 million initiative.  His scheme has achieved more in four months than the government has managed to accomplish in a two year period.

Similarly, the residents of Tiwi Island have been told they will receive less than a third of the new housing which was promised to them by the federal government’s under the Strategic Indigenous Housing and Infrastructure Program, a joint initiative undertaken with the Northern Territory government.  Delays in delivering promised housing have been attributed to the large costs associated with demolishing existing housing which had not been factored into initial estimated. Also, a desire from residents for a variety of housing designs has been blamed for a reduction in economies of scale.

Beauty Bottom-Line: How Much is TOO Much?

27 Jul

makeupSunday’s Good Weekend featured an article in which four women confessed how much they spend in a year to maintain their appearance. The grand total spent by the four women interviewed ranged from $11,187 through to a staggering $19,090. My first shock when reading the article was the $1,350 spent by a 28 year old on botox injections for her ‘strong frown line’. The next, was the $6,240 spent on 2 or 3 salon blow-drys a week by a 50 year old woman who stated “I rarely do my own hair. I don’t even buy shampoo and conditioner any more.” This 50 year old woman also spent $405 on spray tans, $2,280 on haircut and colour and an astounding $1,220 on shower gel and body lotion.

All of the four women interviewed had a pedicure and manicure either weekly of fortnightly, spending between $1,560 and $2,990 annually. I have never understood the importance of the mani-pedi, having had zero pedicures and only two manicures in my entire life, one on a whim and the other for a school formal.Is it really that difficult to master a pair of nail clippers, a nail file and maybe some clear polish? I had one friend in high school who was incapable of leaving the house unless her toenails were perfectly painted. Perhaps I am in the minority.

These women justify their spending in various ways. One woman claims she does it all for herself, another says she does it for herself, the men in her life, other women and anyone she encounters on a daily basis. All women acknowledge that when you look good, you feel better about yourself. I certainly agree with these women when they say taking pride in your appearance is important but at what point does having pride in your appearance become straight out vanity and narcissism? Don’t get me wrong, I wear makeup and style my hair almost every day.I am not afraid to admit that I do consider what others will think of me when I look in the mirror but in my opinion, spending almost $20,000 every year is nothing short of absurd.

This Year’s Model: 1 Dress, 365 Days

12 Jul

f58e8631-7855-4693-95dc-8fa2579c0b02_May_18_v1_DThe Uniform Project is the brainchild of Sheena Matheiken, creative director for a New York web design company. Matheiken grew up and was educated in Kerla, in India where uniforms are compulsory at most public schools. Even at such a young age she noticed the way kids personalised their uniform to rebel against the imposed conformity. The boys would roll up their pants to expose their sneakers while the girls would adorn themselves with bangles, bindis and extravagant hairdos.

The idea behind the project is this: Each day for an entire year Sheena will compose an outfit based around the same dress. (Well, one of seven identical dresses- she has one for each day of the week). The remaining pieces for each outfit will come from her wardrobe, eBay, Etsy, vintage boutiques and thrift stores. She will also be collaborating with local artists to create pieces for her to wear and will be accepting donations of accessories from designers or people looking to clear out their closets.

The project aims to raise money for the Akanksha Foundation, a grassroots non-profit organisation which was founded in 1990 in Mumbai. Akanksha aims to match the Indian government’s education spending on each child living in the slums.  So far Matheiken has raised over USD$5000.

Matheiken with the help of friend and designer, Eliza Starbuck, created the dress which would form the basis of her outfit every day for one whole year.  They redesigned one of her favourite dresses, making it suitable to wear both ways. So far she has worn it on its own, layered over pants, jeans, dresses and skirts, as a tunic and as an outer garment.

Looking through the outfits she has created over the past two-and-a-half moths has made me realise how little creativity most people (myself included) exercise when choosing what to wear each day. Even within the constraints of having to wear the same item of clothing daily Matheiken possesses style worthy of the pages of any  self-respecting fashion blog or magazine.

KANYE: I don’t read books, but I do write them.

31 May

51KaOax-ZML._SL500_AA240_When asked why he doesn’t read, Kanye West stated that “sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed.” Am I the only one who is worried that a person who is unable to construct a simple sentence has been allowed to write and publish a book?  Also, he seems to be confusing the novel with it’s distant cousin, the autobiography.

His book of ‘Kanye-isms’ is a collection of ‘thoughts and theories’ including the enlightening motto “[l]ife is 5% what happens and 95% how you react!” I find it surprising that he can be so vocal about his anti-intellectualism despite the pride and respect he voices for his mother, particularly in his song ‘Hey Mama’ (in which sings ‘I promise you I’m goin’ back to school’), considering she was university English professor before giving it all up to manage his music career.

You can buy his book, entitled “Thank You and You’re Welcome” from Amazon. Just quietly, I wouldn’t recommend it.

It’s Not You, It’s Your Books

30 May

essay-190I’d like to say that I’m not so shallow that I would judge a prospective boyfriend based on the books he reads but that would make me a liar. Apparently book snobbery when it comes to choosing a mate is not so unusual. Although it would probably be stupid to split up with someone because they hadn’t heard of your favourite obscure Russian poet, taste in books is a decent way to test your general compatibility with a person.

The last guy I dated told me he ‘didn’t read’. Apparently he was literate (although certain things he said made me question this fact) but he had no interest in reading books, the newspaper or even magazines. When I asked him how he kept up-to-date with news and current affairs he simply stated that he wasn’t interested in them. At the time I joked that the latest South Park episode was his only source for ‘current affairs’ news. The sad reality was that this was closer to the truth that I cared to admit.

ayn-randFor me, it is not so much about which books you have read or which authors you like as it is about which books and authors you dislike. I am highly likely to immediately disregard anyone reading a Dan Brown novel. In fact, if I see another person reading Angels and Demons I may scream. Maybe, just maybe, I am being an intellectual snob and maybe, just maybe, I refuse to read his books because I have seen so many others reading them but there is also the distinct possibility that his books are absolute shite and people should have the backbone to venture past the first table they stumble upon in the book shop and buy something which is not number one on the best-sellers list. Any individual caught reading one of the Twilight novels also falls into this category.

Dan Brown and awful vampire romances aside, the important thing is that a person shows intellectual curiosity. Although name dropping of authors can be enticing (anyone who mentions Douglas Adams will get instant credit), the mere fact that a person enjoys reading and discussing books is a good thing in my opinion.

One thing is for sure, anyone who’s knowledge of current affairs is gleaned entirely from the latest episode of South Park is definitely not for me.

Don’t you just hate awkward conversations?

28 May

This scene from Jim Jarmusch‘s ‘Coffee and Cigarettes’ is absolutely cringeworthy. He has managed to capture the essence of the awkward and disjointed conversation perfectly. I have had many of these in my time. Sometimes I feel like my life is a series of awkward conversations so when one finally goes really well it is such a surprise/relief.

Would it be unfair to say that Iggy Pop and Tom Waits are two of the ugliest guys in Rock n Roll? Iggy has had that emaciated, stick insect look going for as long as I can remember and Tom is just particularly troll like.

A letter to the woman who was sitting near me on the bus today

19 May

To the woman who was sitting across from me on the bus this afternoon,

Although I am sure it was very important for you to pluck your chin and upper-lip hairs before you got home was it really reasonable for you to inflict the experience upon your fellow passengers. While we are on the subject, it appears that you were absent from school the week that they taught manners. Chewing gum with your mouth open is another behaviour which should not have to be tolerated by your fellow public transport-goers. Unless you are on speed there is no reason why you should be chewing quite so vigorously and quite so open-mouthedly. One more thing, it isn’t cool to hunch over so far that you have your knees jammed up against the seat in front of you unless you are so exceptionally tall that you cannot avoid it (you certainly do not fall under this exception). You are being very inconsiderate to the person in front of you who has to put up with a wobbling seat every time you adjust yourself which is bound to be frequently as this cannot be a comfortable position to maintain for an hour. This brings me to my second point: it is really bad for your back.

My requests are simple: sit up straight, if you MUST chew gum then chew with your mouth SHUT and finally if you would be so kind as to carry out your personal grooming regime in the privacy of your own home.

Regards,

A concerned fellow traveller.

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